Unsettling flashbacks

I've had a very unsettling flashback today and it's left me feeling pretty upset. Not upset, like normal - I'm not sad about anything, I'm not angry about anything - things are actually wonderful. Maybe i should say, disturbed. It's left me rather disturbed.

I was watching Top Gear today, as i usually do because it's one of my favorite shows. In this episode, they were towing cars behind a Boeing 747, to see what happens. Well, they towed a Red Ford Mondeo behind the jet and as logic dictates - logic prevailed. The car was sent away tumbling end over end, crashing a few hundred feet away... Well, you can probably see where this is going.

They had a camera rigged up inside of the car to show what flipping the car over would look like, as the car flipped over and the roof caved in... I had a pretty disturbing flashback of my own accident. It wasn't as bad as the Mondeo's accident - but still. I've never been in an accident before and that one was pretty bad for a first timer. As I watched the accident, I relived my own accident. Everything that happened... how things were going, I remember hearing myself swearing and yelling as the truck flipped over... I remember trying to claw at the glass to open it... crawling around on glass... kicking the radio to turn it off... Swearing as loud as i could... Not being able to open either of the doors to get out. I still remember, the phone call I made to my dad... I still remember how i sounded, what I said... I remember sitting there, clawing at the roof, trying to find the button to open the window in the back, just grabbing at grass and glass.... I still remember, hearing the voice of someone come by and help me focus to re-learn how to roll "down" a window to crawl out... I remember, standing there... Not feeling any pain, not hurting at all... Not dazed not stunned. Upset... angry, but not hurt.
I remember everything, like it happened to day. My chest, still hurts when i think about it, the pain i experienced after the adrenaline wore off... I remember the look on my moms face when she got to the wreck... my dad's face when he saw me then after.

I remember everything and it hurts so much. All because of an unsettling flashback.
What's worse, is as I sit here, in this bed... I can't get the disturbed feelings to go away. This time, they're sticking to me, tormenting me like my dreams.




What have I done, to be tormented like this?


One thing for certain is, every time i see a state road crew worker drive by in their colorful orange trucks, i whisper thank you. Because the person that got there, the person who helped me relearn how to open a window, helped me to get focused, called for help... Was a State Road Crew worker, who happened to be working near by. I don't know his name, and never will see him again. But I say thank you to every one of them I see. 
Just in case.