Tormenting Dreams

So - for the longest time, I felt like i was "in the clear." I had thought by magic, or ... anything... I cured myself of my tormenting dreams. But as of the last few nights, I was wrong. I can't explain why the heck I have these dreams, or what the heck they mean... But i guess that doesn't stop them huh?

they are almost wonderful, if not for the terrifying, and tormenting part. they aren't typical slasher or falling dreams... not your average "in school wearing only underwear" either... They are about friends, people i know, people i've loved... people i used to be friends with. Which, i suppose, makes them more tormenting.

Having a dream, about being intimate (several times over) , with your first high school crush that never was, is partly tormenting, mostly because it's that "never happened" thing. It happens in your mind, but it never really happened. But, I can't explain why they are tormenting, there was other parts to this dream and other dreams as well, but i don't feel like explaining them. To be honest, if i did tell you, you'd wonder why it's so tormenting to me... And to be honest, i can't explain it. I could have the happiest dream in the world, but it'd be deeply tormenting to me, that's just how it works.

I almost wish, they'd just "slow down" so i could try and figure them out, but i don't think that will happen. I'm hoping, they don't continue. Because i cannot afford to take half-hour long showers each day trying to pull myself together and get past the dreams. I shouldn't be so bothered by my dreams. But, maybe the reason I'm so bothered by them, is because i know what "power" my dreams can have... What I've seen in the past that has come true, maybe it's tormenting me, the idea that possibly those dreams are real, and the torment/dread/terror i feel then... Later in my life, i really feel. I hope not... partially ":D


All i know, is insomnia sounds awesome right now.