Blog moving day?

If there was ever such a thing as a "moving day" for a blog - I'd be on the sign up list. I am starting to fool around with google wave, and it's ability to support my blog. It wont be the same, I agree - but it supports more discussion on my posts, and would be much easier for more of my friends to read. I doubt any of my friends know of this as my blog.

If you've got a google wave account, and you wish to check out my new blog thread, here's how:
Log into your google wave, in the search bar type in "The Geeks corner" as shown below:

AS OF NOW, it should be the only result that shows up. Now, because I am new to this google wave thing, I'm not sure if you can actually see that or not (Of course, you remembered to switch from "inbox" to "all" on the navigation panel correct? (lol at you who did not)) SO, if you cannot find it, try the following:

search for "with:public the geeks corner"

This time, you SHOULD get it, but you SHOULD get other public waves, as shown below mine - all in all, you should be able to find mine, if you put the correct search string in, and it should be at the top. If not, look for my photo, and you'll know your there :P

test

this is a test, so don't freak out

Tormenting Dreams

So - for the longest time, I felt like i was "in the clear." I had thought by magic, or ... anything... I cured myself of my tormenting dreams. But as of the last few nights, I was wrong. I can't explain why the heck I have these dreams, or what the heck they mean... But i guess that doesn't stop them huh?

they are almost wonderful, if not for the terrifying, and tormenting part. they aren't typical slasher or falling dreams... not your average "in school wearing only underwear" either... They are about friends, people i know, people i've loved... people i used to be friends with. Which, i suppose, makes them more tormenting.

Having a dream, about being intimate (several times over) , with your first high school crush that never was, is partly tormenting, mostly because it's that "never happened" thing. It happens in your mind, but it never really happened. But, I can't explain why they are tormenting, there was other parts to this dream and other dreams as well, but i don't feel like explaining them. To be honest, if i did tell you, you'd wonder why it's so tormenting to me... And to be honest, i can't explain it. I could have the happiest dream in the world, but it'd be deeply tormenting to me, that's just how it works.

I almost wish, they'd just "slow down" so i could try and figure them out, but i don't think that will happen. I'm hoping, they don't continue. Because i cannot afford to take half-hour long showers each day trying to pull myself together and get past the dreams. I shouldn't be so bothered by my dreams. But, maybe the reason I'm so bothered by them, is because i know what "power" my dreams can have... What I've seen in the past that has come true, maybe it's tormenting me, the idea that possibly those dreams are real, and the torment/dread/terror i feel then... Later in my life, i really feel. I hope not... partially ":D


All i know, is insomnia sounds awesome right now.

crappy day

So, today ended up being a crappy day.
Everything started out wonderful... Was shaping up to be a great day, it was warm out and everything (uncommon for Michigan at this time...)

Then, my ambition to play Steam based games on linux... got the better of me. A friend of mine recently bought Team Fortress 2, so i tried installing/playing my copy on linux... Was working fairly well, but it seems like it wouldn't work in the long run. I think, 15 minutes was the best i could get out of it before it froze, and even then. I can't run games in full screen. SO, i decided to try and install Windows again, because a friend has a copy of Windows 7, that i can use. But, i hate working with partitions. Every time, i screw something up. And, tonight... I screwed it all up.
Now my computer isn't working, and i'm not sure what to do. I have an idea of what to do... But yeah, no ideas.

To top things all off, i got a letter in the mail today... of a penpal sending back things i sent her that she didn't want anymore. Awesome feeling. Just, awesome. Made everything so much better now that i think about it.

To finalize things, talking to a friend that usually cheers me up, in fact, made my night just. shit. Things were nice until a friend of hers had to start messing things up. Tonight, is just a shitty night. I partially wish i could start it over, or change one decision. Because, in a funny way, one decision tonight... is the reason for all of this.

Vacation

I just got back from vacation, which lasted about 5 days. My parents and I went down to Tennessee to see some fhamlie. It was such a great time, I got to see little Kylee Rose, who isn't so little anymore. She's not talking, which is a blast because you can have almost real conversations with her. She even called me by name, okay... so it wasn't really "brad" but "bad" was close enough. She even tried for "uncle" but really only got "unc" those darn sylables, there hard on a 2 year old. But, I do not mind being called "unc bad." because I will easily go play with her,if she calls me.

It was a blast, as I said before. We went down to celebrate their birthdays, little Kylee's is only a few days before my brothers, and that was only a few before Halloween. But alas, there was two forms of sickness running around the house while we were there, that the trip wasn't the best ever. I was partially sick during the trip, but now am feeling better, that i can sleep in my own bed, all warm and quite. I suppose, it's just one of those things, your own bed will make you feel better than even the softest couch in your brothers house.

Little Kylee was Velma, from the Scooby Doo tv show, and she looked very cute. We went tricker-treating with her the day before Halloween to a childrens place called "safty city" where it's a minature version of downtown knoxville, perminant small scale buildings, with roads and traffic lights. All the little kids, and some big ones, went around getting candy from "vendors" and some other neat things a kid would like, as in erasers for school or stickers or fake vampire teeth.

The ride there and back, was excruciating, 9 hours long including a few stops and moans. I tried sleeping most of the way, because there was nothing else to do... My dad is one of those people, who will not let anyone else drive - and if he does, he's freaking out the entire time... and he's also the kind of person that wont stop for anything, so, even though starving and needing to pee like crazy, we drove straight from Michigan to Tennessee, in about 9 or so hours.




 But overall, it was a wonderful trip.
I wish, i could go back... and I hope, someday soon, I will.

Strings

It's about 01:51:20
I'm taking a break, intermission from watching my movie (the tournament) and decided to write this. I've had another 'dream thing' tonight, watching my movie. This one's pretty old actually, i forgot about it for awhile. To be honest, i forget them all before they happen.

I was sitting here, in meh bed, watching my movie on my laptop. Scene changes and it shows somewhat of a image of a woman looking into a two way mirror that's cracked, and she's looking through it for a little bit. But to me, it was a lot longer than it really was in the movie, i suppose, the image from my dream and what was really on the movie, connected together and i just stared at an image... or thought about the image.

Anyway, why this post is called strings? Well, as 'coincidence' loves my life, this dream, is about a recently re-introduced friend. What is odd, is i believe i had this dream, as a dream when i was in limbo of not talking to her... But now, we're back to talking. It's odd though, 'strings' i feel like my life is run by a large set of strings i cannot see. More so, with these dreams... I've yet to figure them out, and i don't think i ever will. But, i can't shake the feeling of strings when they happen. Just think about it... every single thing you do, every word on this screen, every breath you take, every noise in the background... has a string attached. Everything, every blink you take, every time you scratch your nose... is planned. These dreams, are exactly this... I cannot escape them, I cannot change them. They happen, and I preform them without question. Some of the, longer dreams i have... make me feel like a slave. Because i know everything that's going to happen, every detail what I will think, what someone will say, everything in the background. It's a creepy feeling, when it happens.

I know this is true, I know life is controlled by 'strings' of some higher authority. Strings, we cannot see, strings, we do not expect. How can strings control my life you think... Because I'm doing the things - it is I that waves my arms without thought right now, how can a 'string' be there for what i do without planning/without thinking? It is I that shouts something I'd never say, not a string.. To be honest, I don't know, will I ever know? I doubt it.
Does anyone know... I doubt it.

Things recently, have been to coincidental, even more now with this dream, to be just coincidence... Things happen for a reason, these strings are here... They control everything, and they even control my typing. Odd isn't it?

I'm curious to know if it's possible for a string to get broken, what happens. Are other strings attached to this string? Who's string depends on mine? If mine fails, what happens to yours? What if, by me writing this, is breaking a string from happening, and your reading it, stops one of yours from happening. I normally hate 'what if' questions because they are about anything.


What if, a sting of mine, was to love you... but a string of yours broke mine from keeping that love? What if... my love broke a string of yours? And stopped you from loving me...
Is this possible? It sounds possible, i believe there is more than one string, and we've crossed paths a few times... I hope to not cut anymore strings between us again...

"Careful what you wish for"

The saying, Be careful of what you wish for is so true... To this point, I will not even try and fight it.
Twice, I've wished something... twice it's come around, both the same thing as well. The first time, it didn't go so well, in fact, I'd have to say that because of it, things were worse off than they were before. But it's okay, it's what I wanted (How many selfish times do we say that sentence?)

But this time, things feel different. I've wished, that someone would feel sorry for what they did to me, that they would realize what they've done to me. That they'd see the error of their way, and feel 'bad' for what they did. Somehow, making me feel good. But, this is the second time I've 'asked' this... and it's the second time to come around.
But like I said, it feels different this time. there once, was a saying this person said to me... that I could not accept, in no way - would I even begin to accept this saying, this "motto for life" it was so painful, and ignorant to me... that i could never accept it, and somewhat, got upset when was told to follow it. More so, it was offered as an 'escape' from my problems. But, i've been meditating as much as i can these days, wanting to grow stronger, be healthier... And one night, the moral of the story, was in fact, this 'motto' I finally, accepted it... It made sense to me, and I could follow it. I like the saying now.

Coincidence, that this saying, was something they said to me? I rarely, believe in coincidences being the reason for life anymore. there's a greater working out there, and it's not by chance, that i've accepted this saying, and they've come around again.


All I know is, I'm not in control of my life... And I will admit i've 'asked' that this person feel sorry for what they did, and realize how their actions effected me. I will not lie that i've wanted this. And I will not lie that this isn't the first time, with this person i've asked this. All I know is, this time, I'm not letting things get screwed up to mess up a friendship, so wonderful in it's high points. I may not be smarter this time, but I wont be letting this relationship, this friendship... get screwed up.
I accept that i wanted this person to feel sorry, and I myself, am sorry i asked this. I just, cannot bear to see this person be taken away from me again. And I know, I'll never be asking this again, never will I want someone to feel sorry for what they've done to me. Because, it's not my problem if they do or not. In the end, they'll have to answer why they did it, and why they weren't sorry/forgiving of it.

But, as I've grown to liking these past days,
Don't worry - be happy.