I'm a normal human being, a normal male. I suck with emotions. I can't deal with them, i can't get what I'm feeling out properly. When something bad happens, i can't let it go... I just bottle it up like the rest of humanity, making baggage, chains, if you will that i carry for sometime. And it seems, that the only way for all of this to be let go, is when i experience pain and anger and hate all at once. When does this happen you ask? When I work out.
Yes, to deal with emotions, to deal with stress, to deal with anger/pain/hate I work out. It's an interesting story, because i don't even know how it works. But there's a point when i work out... That i just get so angry, so hateful so ravaged in pain, that I can let go... I feel relief from all the emotions i carry. I can't explain how it works, nor do i want to find out. All I know is, when i work out, I free myself from these emotions I carry inside. All the problems, with girls i've loved and have torn my heart out - leave. They just... leave when i work out, it's the most cleansing situation i can take, and I love it.I'll never say, that I'm an angry person, that I am a hatefull person - in truth, I'm quite a nice and caring person. But put it this way, when its saturday morning, and you ask dad to play football, and he says "not now, it's daddy time" ... Me + Working Out = Daddy Time.
I'll never forget the feeling i get, when i am finally able to just... let... go... I suppose, the only way to describe it... is like an orgasm, by definition, it's the peak of intense pleasure. It's so hard to describe "relief from emotions" as an emotion its self - but when all the bad emotions leave, and it leaves me 'empty' it's literally like an orgasm. I'm left weightless, and feel great.
For now, working out is the only way I know how to deal with emotions, i suppose - i should invest time into figuring out a less harmful way?
I don't know....what exactly is so harmful about working out to make yourself feel better? I know at least 4 other people who do a form of this, either they go running, skateboard, parkour, and the other one just does weights. No one ever really knows how to deal with their feelings, some are just a little better at handling them I guess. It's not like your drinking till you vomit, going out and getting into fights, or cutting yourself. I think the way you deal with emotions is still much better than the way I deal with mine.
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